Well what a freakin Saturday!!! Tonight was my first weekend night back at Whiskey Kitchen and man did it kick my ass. The people just kept cramming in that place like sardines. SPEAKING of sardines, I watched "LoverBoy (circa 1989) last night and it was hilarious! Anyhow back to the subject. Ever since I started working there, I have had the pleasure of meeting tons of amazing new friends/acquaintances. Not seeing most of them for over a month seemed like a lifetime and apparently they all missed me...lol. It was great to be back to work and making some money wasn't bad either. I was exhausted by the time that I got off. Unfortunately I forgot to inform my manager that I was a double and he didn't cut me until almost 1 o'clock..Geeze silly me. As I was leaving, I ran into a friend of mine. He use to be extremely happy to see me and was always hugged my neck but tonight he was cold. Around Thanksgiving, he told me that he liked me and that he wanted to "date"me. ANYONE who knows me, knows that is when I decided to run for the hills. Why couldn't things just stay like they were. Well the last time that we spoke of our situation, he accused me of playing games and that I could just call him when I figured things out. Well everyone knows that my favorite pass time is losing my phone. I NEVER want people to be angry or disappointed in me but since I didn't have his number, he probably just thought that I was over it. Tonight he acted as if I broke him heart. I truly hope that is not the case because I never meant to hurt him.
Next on the agenda...Checking my FaceBook. It had been over 24 hours since I had checked my Facebook and stuff, so I was eager to log in. No longer then thirty seconds after I logged in, my ex IM-ed me. I said hello and I attempted not to go down that path he always takes me on. We have been broke up for almost three YeArS. We ended our relationship because he was a youngin that had no idea what he wanted with me. But apparently losing me was all it took...lol..because ever since then, he has been non-stop trying to get me back. (who would blame him...just joking) Well tonight he threw me a total curve ball. It usually consist of "hey how are you?" "I miss you" "i hate your tattoos" "you are so beautiful" "we are made for each other"...blah blah blah. Tonight he asked " what would you say if i asked you to marry me?". I replied "I would probably jump off a cliff!!!" Seriously I have no idea what is going on with me but anything that has to do with relationships or LoVe, makes me want to seriously barf! I decided that it would be best if I did what I normally did when he started this with me, ignore him. Then my phone rang....it wasn't him.
When I felt my phone vibrate, I just knew that it was him calling. It was someone else, someone else that scares the sh*t out of me. This guy is a super guy. We have been out a few times together and it went great. Ummmm heLLo Jennifer Marie, you do not want to get into a relationship or anything like it. DO NOT GET ATTACHED. There is so much that is in store for you this summer, EUROPE!!! No that is not the only thing that is stopping me from "semi-love". Ewwwww even saying that gives me the chills. I really DO want to fall head over heels in love with someone but I know that when that time comes, I will be ready for it OR maybe not. So I am going to sum this story up fast because I am over it. He went on and on about how great of a girl that I was and that I had such an infectious smile. That he just wanted to make me smile and that he missed me. I wanted to tell him that I missed him to but the truth of the matter is that I am so scared that I have already started to push him away. WTF who does that!!! I always tend to to this to people that show any interest in me yet if you are someone that is horrible for me, I seem to somewhat be interested in you. (I am currently slapping myself in the face) I just don't know what to think of this guy who actually treats me like I should be treated. He is respectful, intelligent, kind, good looking, romantic, cheesy (in a good way), pampering, and so much more. Yet here I am pushing really hard. He knows that I am scared of shit like this. I just hope that he understands. He told me tonight that he himself had fought how he felt about me, but after two months, he was tired of fighting it. He told me that he liked me and that he missed seeing and spending time with me. Not toooooo long after this, I demanded that I was getting off the phone.
LOVELOVELOVE being single, but man it is freaking hard as hell at times! I just don't want to be one of "those" people that are cold, bitter and hurt. I don't want to be that person that has been hurt in the past and they punish good people because of it. I guess that time will only tell. I have always loved the saying "its better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all". I agree with this in every aspect because I have definitely loved and lost BUT to be loved and them lose me...not sure about that one. I guess it can happen.
What a freakin night!!! Well my body is tired, my heart is confused, and my sanity has gone out the window tonight. Maybe tomorrow all of my sense will come back but until then, I cant wait to see what my dreams have in store for me.
~Dream, Believe, Love~
B-Squared
